Saturday, December 7, 2013


                                                       



HYPOCRISY

I feel a burning desire to speak to this topic as it is all around me-- everywhere I look:  the kitchen, the bathroom, my purse, my writing file, my car. Yup. Hypocrisy is moi.

I tried to model neat and clean housekeeping when I was a mom in the 20th century. Way back then, I was motivated to keep everything perfectly clean and neat. I made sure the bathrooms were spotless, the kitchen immaculate, my purses organized without crumbs and comb hair on the bottom, my car washed and detailed regularly. Well, that was then, and this is now. I am living in the Now---hmmmmm---in the moment. In most of my moments, cleaning, organizing and modeling seem to have fallen to the bottom of my To Do list. My daily To Do list now reads:  Stay in Moment. I keep thinking some cleaning, modeling moments might be coming, but, alas, not. 

Then there’s my writing where I espouse laughter and humor as the perfect solutions to any problem. Well, that’s just crap. There’s no amount of laughter to comfort me when squirrels are tearing through our attic eating our pink insulation. No one dare chuckle when some idiot cuts me off on Market Street when I’m trying to get my senior coffee before my hair appointment. There is no humor in fat. So, despite my mantra Laughter is contagious; spread the virus, guess what?

I remember my mother telling me to “lighten up,” while she was screaming at my sister and I for not having cleaned our rooms. I remember her favorite line, “Did I send you to college to have you come home an educated slobs?” Really, Mom? What about her saying “Do what I say, not what I do.” Did she really say that, or is my memory going?

My Dad used to say, “Don’t spin your wheels.” Well, what about him sitting in front of the TV licking his effen ice cream cone watching disgusting episodes of Two and a Half Men? (Some of them were pretty funny, though, I must admit, and I do kind of have a thing for ice cream--but only Caramel Delight. Mr. Wonderful gets really upset because I tunnel the carmel swirl out of the middle and leave the vanilla sides. There are often up to seven or eight half gallon cartons in the freezer, burned to a crystal, with not a sign of caramel inside. :))

Hypocrisy has its time and place. If you’re going to pontificate and bail,  find some pathetic soul who doesn’t know you, someone you will never see again. Pontificate away, and then disappear.