Sunday, December 29, 2013


It is always dangerous when I awaken before most people even turn over in the wee hours of the morning. One reason is that I surf the net and find the most outrageous topics for my musings. This morning’s discovery is “The Worst Toys of 2013.” Are they kidding me? I-potty and Lego Breaking Bad Meth Lab? I know I’m old, but this is mind-boggling.

Parents of toddlers, do you really need technology to get your little one to do his or her thing in the bathroom by having a potty that inspires two-year-olds to game while going? OMG. I am really out of it. As I watch my 40-somethings parent my grand-children, there are things that surprise me and don’t always please me, but equipping a toddler with an I-pad before he knows what toilet paper is for is beyond my comprehension.

Then there’s the Breaking Bad-influenced Lego Meth Lab. Neither Lego nor Breaking Bad productions had anything to do with this invention, but I’m sure neither is crying over the obvious outrage it caused. Let’s face it publicity is publicity--good or bad. Ask any politician. I am one of the pathetic souls hooked (late) on Breaking Bad, but making a toy out of it--nope, no way.

When I think back to the toys I played with often as a kid, I recall the slinky, stilts, jump ropes, board games (Monopoly, Clue, Sorry), and does anyone remember dolls that didn’t look like a female version of Chucky? OMG. My six-year-old grand-daughter carries around this $250 life-sized baby that has the authentic red splotch on the forehead, the bald spot on the back of the head, the curled up life-life toes, and the head that bobs back and forth if you don’t support it. It’s the ugliest, freakiest replica of a human infant I’ve ever seen. (I even think my Christmas check that year paid for most of it.) This year’s special gifts for the four little desert cherubs included snowboards, skakeboards, flying twirl-fairies, automated helicopters, I-pads, a real computer and, fortunately, several books and crafts. At least 98% of the above gifts are still sitting open under the tree. (The clothes they received were only partially opened, as they were of  no interest to these four little girls. Hard for this Queen to comprehend.) It has been four days since Christmas, and I have seen them play with the following:  their old I-pads, their Mom’s computer, their old I-phones handed down from Mommy and the freaky doll. What can I say?

For all of us fools out there who wracked our brains trying to figure out what to buy our children and grand-children so their eyes would sparkle on Christmas morning, give it up. I could have used my Christmas fund for the Nordstrom sale. (For any who have shopped at said store, this is an oxymoron.)

My hope is that when the dust settles, they will be punished and have to clean their rooms, and they might accidentally come upon a Christmas gift they overlooked and begin to read. What a concept!

P.S. What I hope my little princesses will remember from Christmas 2013, however, is the two hours we spent covered in chocolate and flour making Christmas cookies and brownies, the two freezing hours we spent trying to keep track of each other among 800 people at Zoo Lights, the time we spent at breakfast laughing and spilling milk and French Toast Crunch, and the precious few moments we spent at the piano, Skippy’s breakfast haunt and holding our noses as we drove past the dairy farm.

Christmas/New Years Toast (sparkling apple cider) with Mémé. Mommy texting in background.