Sunday, December 22, 2013

                                   The Mane Squeeze

     I read in a woman’s magazine today that the average woman (even very young women) loses approximately 125 -200 hairs per day. This is normal. At this rate, I should be bald by Tuesday.

     Mr. Wonderful says he married me AND my hair. Maybe so, but most women are obsessed with good hair. I have noticed recently that many women of a certain age are beginning to get thin on top. I am not thinning on top; rather, I am growing lopsided. You know those men with the swept overs? Well, one side of my hair is lush and wavy--truly, it could be an ad for a hair product. On the other hand, the other side only has about six hairs left. I always look like I’ve been out in a wind storm, and it snuck up on my south side. I’ve begun walking sideways and talking out of the wavy side of my face. People think I’m up to something. 

    Just change the part? Easy for you to say. This mane has a mind of its own. It will only be styled a certain way. My hair stylist says I shouldn’t worry. Right. The other day, a little boy came up to me and said, “Mister, you look like my grandpa.” 

     Of the “normal” total of hairs that drop per day, 97% of mine drop on our bathroom rug. When Mr.Wonderful comes out of the bathroom, he always has a frown on his face. It’s the “are-you-going-to-vacuum-the-rug?” look. I smile sweetly, toss my left mane at him and blow him a kiss.

     We married for better or for worse. Worse has taken on a whole new meaning for him lately.  Lospided  hair, smart-ass blogging and no respect. He knows I love him. If I didn’t, why would I let him rub my feet, and why would I make his favorite salad once a month?