Friday, February 14, 2014

                                                                “LOVE IS KIND”

    Today Mr. Wonderful and I decided to change our names. We are going to start a new life as Tony and la Folle. No more Fifi and Mr. Wonderful--just Tony and la Folle tweeting  and tacking on the Bay.

     Yup. We are getting ready to make the big move:  passing up the Panthers and headin’ for the “Heat.” It’s a rite of passage. Once you pass a certain age, you either head for the Home or reach for the stars. We always wanted to be stars. 

     I have decided to go red and get a job, and he has decided to stop shaving. Instead of spending time on the courts or trying to write the Great American Novel, we are going to start practicing “Love is Kind,” and audition at the Elks. Drinks and popcorn are free for the entertainers, and we don’t have to pay the $2 cover charge; we are the cover.

     There are certain things I cannot give up, however. First, the stilettos. No stilettos, no harmony. Secondly, I refuse to give up my tip jar. That pays for my auburn extensions and his chest combs. 

     Recognizing that we can no longer afford our mortage and our I-pads, we’ve decided to give up our house and live in our convertible. It has two comfy seats, several good Bose stations, and it’s easy to park at the rest stops. We figure what we can save on housing costs and Tide Pods we can spend on world travel. Our first destination is Duluth. My father was born there, so we figure it has to be cheap.

     We’ve talked about getting a pet, but it’s hard to drag him behind the car on I-95. Some trucks just won’t break for camels. We’re considering a stingray, as it would travel closer to the asphalt.

     We can park close to the beach, and bathing in the Bay is like having a massage in emerald velvet. People haven’t gotten used to our “buff,” yet, but sooner or later, they’ll come around. Dripping dry on the sand saves on towels, and once we’re back on the road, the tropical air dries our brown spots.

     Our kids were hoping for some kind of inheritance. They’ll just have to figure out how to split a sand-encrusted sports car, a dozen pairs of Michael Kors, a collection of henna hair extensions and some teethless hair combs-- four ways. glwt