Thursday, February 20, 2014

                                                             SEW (So Effen What?)

     How many times can you reinvent yourself? As many times as you can say, “Yup, I can.”Since retiring nine years ago, I have enjoyed five new careers. Two of them even paid me money, and I’m not counting the housekeeping that I do for free for Mr. Wonderful at least once or twice per quarter. Based on the tip he left me last time, I may short sheet his side of the bed.

     Reinventing oneself is an exciting but unsettling experience. You have to tell yourself from the outset that if you fail, SEW. If you can adapt this mantra, nothing is out of reach. You can be a camel jockey, a turtle midwife, a chef or a quack. Anything is possible. As I can’t get off the camels in my stelletos, turtles are too slow and I can’t cook, I’ve resorted to the latter. 

     Now that we are entering the Golden Age (the age where everythings turns gold-- teeth, toenails, elbows and nose hair.) It’s a fascinating time of life, and you reap what you SEW. I’m into reaping big time, SEW. . . 

     We are poised to move to a new state, and to celebrate my reinvention, our new home and our new life, I have changed my name to “la Folle.” (the crazy woman---pronounced lah fuhl--no, not fool, fohl)  Mr. Wonderful chose Tony--short and feckless.

     Now that we have our new identities, we are ready to break out of our shells and think outside the box. The problem is we don’t know where we put the box. I say, “Go for the Gold and let’s do a search. Tony, you start with the house, I’ll check the car.” I’ve always been such a magnanimous person. It’s time to try Bitch-monkey.

     So far on my reinventing list is: orchestra conductor, actress and inventor. So far on Tony’s list is:  Raisin Bran Distrtributor, Cat Walker and Old Fart Bingo Caller. No sitting around on the davenport for us, nossireebob. We have enough energy between the two of us to run for office (this requires sitting on our asses and lying through our teeth--easy.)

     I checked the classified in the local paper, and I have an audition scheduled to conduct La Marseillaise for the local middle school, a callback for the role of “Before” in a cosmetic surgery commercial, and I’ve been asked to submit my shut-up-your-spouse-mask contest. Life is good.