Wednesday, February 26, 2014

                                                        WARDROBE WOES

     I am getting ready to attend a meeting in a new city where I know no one. Unfortunately, the only conservative outfit I brought on our one-month vacation is at the cleaners. (Skirt and blouse being cleaned as I speak at $12.47 per item. Are they effen kidding me? Obviously, this place caters to a wealthy captive audience.) As I peruse my closet, I am reminded that all my dresses reveal too much cleavage. It’s not that I have that much; in fact, some might think I just ran into a door and my chest swelled. Which dress to wear--that’s the question. If I wear one with a jacket over it, these strangers will think my blond hair tells it all, as today’s temps are predicted to be close to 90 degrees. If I wear the dress with no jacket, I’m liable to be escorted to the door. Hmmm. What to do.

     I could wear my skinny jeans with a nice blouse, but then the more sophisticated of the group will wonder why I’m dressing like I’m ready for a rodeo instead of a serious business meeting. 

     I could wear my bermuda shorts. Funny, I never saw any of these in Bermuda. Who even wears these anymore? I feel like I’m back in the sixties, but my legs are too “mature” for the short shorts (other than in private with Mr. Wonderful). Shorts would be assuming that these beach people don’t work, and I’m assuming they will all be on lunch break for a noon meeting.

     I could wear my beach cover up that the nice 16-year-old salesperson said could “double as a dress.” It’s quite slinky, though, and I’m not sure that cling is coveted these days. 

     I am clueless. If the majority of members are men, no problem. When men don’t approve, they drool. If there are businesswomen there, however, they will give me the “you-little-bitch” look, and that is not a good way to make a first impression. Hmm. 

     I will have a second hummus ball and give this more thought.  

*Beginning all of these paragraphs with the pronoun “I” is totally irresponsible and narcisisstic, but I’m not up for literary this morning. Grammarians, bite me.”

BREAKING NEWS:  Several men and women wore jeans at the meeting. Most people ignored me, so they obviously didn’t give a damn what I wore. A few women smiled at me, but I’m not sure what they were saying under their breath. Clingy dress and a few good chords brought applause on the street after the meeting, however. Who knew?