Wednesday, February 19, 2014

                                                                   WHAT ABOUT BIG WIGS?

     Every woman should have a “do” she can slap on for the vacay. A “do” that DOes itself, that doesn’t require washing, drying, volumizing, productizing, curling or straightening. This is particularly true of those of us who spend 29 days in a convertible. Besides the issue of horizontal windburn streaks across our cheeks and mulch in our molars, we need do to something about the top-down-hair-conundrum. 

     I suppose there are wigs one can buy, but then there’s the issue of them flying off into a marsh or sink hole en route. I’m told wigs are hot, and when Mr. Wonderful is driving at the speed of sound, I don’t need any more sweat to clog my follicles. 

     Supposedly, some genius has invented shoes that tie themselves, so why can’t some brilliant woman come up with a cool wig that doesn’t mat down the original tresses, fits ergonomically on any pate and makes us look like Angelina ready to walk down the red carpet when we descend from the two-seater?

     In the meantime, I am doing my hair six times a day: first thing in the morning when I can’t even see my reflection, two hours later when I can, after completing the morning’s errands, before going to the trendy beach lunch spot, after the 4:00 nap when I can’t see my reflection again, and finally, before going to the sexy nightclub on the water.This is overkill, and by the end of the day, my products are half-empty, and my hair looks like a cement helmut, my face moving freely underneath. 

     I could just cut it short like a boy, but this is a last resort for me. I still like the perks that come with being a sensuous long-haired “mature” blond:  jerking my head just slightly to the right so my waves sway in slow motion, the feel of locks on my shoulders to remind myself that I still have enough hair to reach them, the ability to pull a few tresses across my left eye to give me the “sultry” look, and the status symbol of owning a comb and roll brush--something I took for granted the first six decades of my life. Besides, what would we do without Drano?

     Hair today, gone tomorrow.