Tuesday, April 29, 2014



       
                                                           TONGUE & CHIC?


“There seems to be some bleeding from this tooth next to the back molar.”
“YeahehBaybeitscuzzyourpokingbygubwithabetalspear!”
“Do you feel some sensitivity in that tooth?”
“Dotuntilyoushtuckdahhugedeedleindair.”
wtf. There was no gum bleeding when I walked into the dentist’s office. After I told the hygenist that I didn’t want any radiation pulsing through my body from the x-rays she’s been trying to get me to have for the past seven visits, I think there was a teeny tiny bit of revenge in her probing tool. 
“Oh, my gosh. I’m so sorry. I’ve never done that before, I swear.”
“Datzok.”
wtf. She just sprayed water up my nose. 
Whew. Got through another six-month cleaning. Oh no, now the real dentist shows up. He’s all gentle and kind, but I know he’s poised to hurt me or say someting to scare the shit out of me.
“Stick out your tongue,” he said.
“Blaadley,” I replied.
He took a huge gauze sock, yanked at my tongue so it felt like it was being ripped from my piehole, and then proceeded to twist it first left and then right.
“Looks good to me,” he smiles.
I am thinking if that looks good to him, he must live a very pathetic life. Who wants to pull and twist tongues all day?Ton No wonder the dentist suicide rate is so high.
After all the scraping, nose-flooding and tongue lashing, they figured they could make it all up to me by giving me a brand new purple toothbrush. Are you effen kiddin’ me? How about a Cosmo with a cannibis chaser?