Friday, April 25, 2014

                  The Road to Humility is Paved with Strawberry Jam and Cosmos

     I lost my speech contest. Yup. I thought I was best. I thought I had blown away the competition with my musical intro, my unusual stories and my life-changing message. WRONG! They went with the 9/11 true story competitor whose tears surely helped touch the heart (even mine). So my ego shattered, my own tears staining my new dress complete with $50 leopard-print silk broach and matching peep-toe stilettos, I headed to the fast-food window and ordered not one but TWO strawberry jams on my BUTTER biscuit. MMMMM. So good. Maybe deprivation had been working overtime, and this was an excuse to indulge and be silent (the topic of my speech).

     After inhaling my treat and finding it did not help the big lump in my throat, I suggested to Mr. Wonderful that we go out to dinner (my treat so I could drink) to help me recover from my ego-bruising. He, of course, agreed (my treat, after all), and off we went. I ordered a Cosmo, took in the 24-second sunset over the river, and felt human for the first time all day. The Cosmo did the trick, at least for the moment. The gentle fog that settled over my bruises, helped me get through the evening.
     My father always said, just when I was feeling secure and at home in my skin, “Now don’t get cocky, young lady.” That meant, “You’re really not all you’re cracked up to be, so get back to work.” I guess Second Place was Daddy speaking from the heavens. I wonder if he’s gotten any more compassionate drinking his vodka up there.

 From Brené Brown’s book, “Daring Greatly”

Yes, I was pissed. Yes, I cried my eyes out. Yes, I wanted to disappear. But I gave myself permission to feel these feelings for a couple of hours or days, then I reached out and talked about these feelings with people I love and trust, and I moved on. I felt more courageous, more compassionate, more connected.

If you’re not in the arena getting your ass kicked, I’m not interested in your feedback.

* Louise made new broach to match my shoes. So darling! Looking good doesn’t count, I guess.”  :)