Thursday, May 29, 2014




     Have you taken a flight anywhere recently? Other than the exhorbitant cost of flying and the absurd “fees” they charge for anything from choosing a seat with more than three inches of leg room to paying per square for your toilet paper, have you become fearful of flying? I have. I was never afraid of flying until this past year. Things have changed.

     The enemy is not the possibile mechanical failure or how much the pilot drank the night before. It’s not what some guy has in his Jockey shorts or what some woman is smuggling in her demi. The fear doesn’t come from the headwinds or the traffic control guy who’s on pain meds; it’s from sources we could never have imagined.

     First, there’s the birds that are flying into the planes.If they get sucked into a plane’s engine, the plane is forced to land. It’s no longer, “It’s a bird, it’s a plane.” It’s now “It’s a bird in the plane!” 

     Secondly, the fact that travel has become so global, people are traveling all over the world, and guess what? They aren’t just bringing back fancy wine and Tiki knick-knacks; they’re bringing Mers and Malaria. Joy. Every person on the plane is a potential threat regardless of the size or color of his sweats.

     Thirdly, the alcohol tolerance has apparently declined considerably, so you never know who’s going to wig out or pass out. In any of these cases, the flight can be grounded at a burp’s notice.

     And then, there’s the just plain crazies to worry about. Some woman thought she saw her dead mother out the window; another decided that her seat mate was trying to frisk her. What?! 

     Finally, we never know whether some random teenager is hiding in a wheel well or curled up in the overhead. Every flight has a new twist.

      Maybe it’s time we all just stay home and watch the Travel channel.