Thursday, June 5, 2014

     I never sit and watch morning television, except when Mr. Wonderful snores me out of my cocoon at 4 a.m. Then I watch CNN. After about 4 minutes and 31 seconds, I can give the entire news broadcast myself. I tell myself that this is good memory therapy for my aging frontal cortex. Today, however, I decided to put on another channel while I was working out--just for noise and companionship. 

     Women from the audience asked three men (ages 38-42) the following questions:
  1. What is the first thing a guy thinks on the first date?
  2. If the husband is snoring, who should leave the bed?

     I was totally dumbfounded at the answers to these questions. This must have something to do with the fact that I am old enough to be the mother of the panelists.
The answer to the first question was unanimous:  “breakfast in bed.” OMG. Are you kidding me? One guy said, “We all know what the woman wants, so let’s just try not to mess it up by being on a date.” I remember when I was newly-divorced and out on dates for the first time in 30 years, all I could think about was how I was going to escape at the end of the evening, and that was even if I really liked the guy. In my day, sex was forbidden until your first gray hair appeared, so the men (who hadn’t had a date since 1956) were, obviously, informed, but confused. After all, they said, “You aren’t a virgin anymore.” WHAT? What’s that got to do with anything? Those under 60 reading this are probably lying on the floor holding their bellies.

     The second question really sent me into orbit. The men said, “Look, I am sleeping. That’s why I’m snoring. You don’t like it, you go somewhere else. I am already asleep.”
OMG. Let me get this straight. You wake me up out of a sound sleep, and I am the one to go to the couch? I don’t think so. At the very least, you must be punished by being awakened with my killer big toenail or my violent screams of “NOOOOOONOTAGAIN!”
One guy said his wife snored, so he took his phone and taped her. If a woman did that, the man would pack his Cialis and bathtub and head for the bar. 

     If you discuss this with a person of the opposite sex, I would love to know the outcome:)