Saturday, June 14, 2014


                                            SEX UNPLUGGED


     Sex in later life loses its urgency. This is not necessarily due to old age or boredom. It is, rather, a question of health and nutrition.

     For example, when we were young, it didn’t matter if we were catching pneumonia, fighting indigestion or still numb from an early-morning root canal. Sex was always urgent, and a plugged nasal passage was irrelevant. After many years of marriage, we can wait to get unplugged before doing the nasty.

     When we were young, it didn’t matter where we were--the beach, the car, on the rollercoaster--we were ready and willing. It was always urgent.  Now we fear Urgent Care, so we are more careful. Some people our age even do it in bed. 

     The meal before the deed is definitely a factor. No beef, asparagus, B & M beans, carbonated beverages or heavy pasta. Dinner has to be at least four to five hours before putting on the jungle music and turning off most of the lights. Darkness is not an option at our age, although often we both close our eyes and talk our way to one another. 

     He still likes to read certain publications and study “beautiful photography.” Funny that all the pictures take up more than one page. He even likes to watch some “romantic” movies to get in the mood. Occasionally, I am home when he does this.

     He asked me the other day what I like. I answered “Homeland” and “24.” 

     The average couple over 70 has sex (with a partner) at least 10-12 times a year. This doesn’t mean that the occasions are divided evenly between the months or weeks. Some people save up and use up their allotment in two weeks. This way they can just coast the rest of the year and not be bothered. Others prefer to schedule their love--some preferring pre-Jeopardy and others post-Charlie Rose. 

     We like Sex on the Sabbath ourselves. After all, the guy up there started this whole thing. Sometimes we even pretend we’re Adam and Eve. Most of the time, we can’t remember the story so we just go our in the garden and entertain the camelias.