Wednesday, July 2, 2014


                                                   LOST and FOUND APP

     I need a Lost and Found App. I have lost two things, and I’ve looked everywhere. I know they are in the house, so that narrows it down to a mere 2900 square feet plus closets, drawers, cupboards, cubbies and pockets. wtf. I could be looking until 2047. If I had an App, I could just click it, and thumb in the name of the item with a brief description, and it would answer, “In your raincoat pocket, dummy.” 
     If Uncle Sam can figure out what shoes I want at Nordstroms, what cereal I buy at Harris Teeter and what my balance is in my Secret Stash account, then this app could surely find what I’m missing. 

     Now you may be asking yourself how I lost said items to begin with. Well, Sir Smugness, how does anyone lose something? I don’t sit up nights thinking up places to stash shit where I will never find it. One minute it’s in my hand, and the next thing I know, it’s incognito. It just happens. 

     One thing I’ve discovered, though, that’s refreshing. Every time I lose something and start searching for it, I find something I’d lost years ago and forgot I lost it. I usually find one earring or one sock, however, and that’s just annoying. I did find a love letter from I guy I dumped in 1978. Sure helped my self esteem after Mr. Wonderful and I got into it Thursday afternoon because I couldn’t find his old man glasses.

     NEWS FLASH:  Mr. Wonderful just found one of the two things I was missing. This is instant forgiveness for past sins. Yay, only one item to go. I think I need to take a Virtual Tour of my sock drawer. Stay tuned.