Friday, August 8, 2014

The “BEST” list:

Hottest old fart:                    George Cloony’s Dad

Best Book:             Checkbook with a balance over $50    

Best Movie: The one that turns on the old guy

Best Sex:                             Whatever you had before children

Wittiest person:             Mark Twain 

Funniest comedy writer:      Dave Barry       

Cutest baby: Me 70 years ago

Best comedy show: Watching Mr. Wonderful eat

Best drama: Fighting with Mr. Wonderful

Best ass: Mr. Wonderful, 1941

Best body: Taye Diggs

Best Buddy: Any animal that doesn’t bark or fart

Fastest car: The one chased by a cop 

Slowest car: All those ahead of me on most streets in this city

Best Advice: Don’t give any

Best Actor: Taye Diggs

Best Looking Actor:             Taye Diggs

Worst enemy:                      Taye Diggs’ wife

Greatest fantasy:                 Cruising Paris streets with Hugh Jackman at the wheel of a 

Greatest travel destination:  Anywhere that has a pillow that doesn’t look like a giant tootsie roll

Best Memory:  Anything that stays in my head more than 36 minutes

Best TV Show: Homeland

Best Commercial: One you can’t see or hear

Best Car: One that gets you there and back without a ticket

Best Medicine:                   Laughter

*Line-up of items expressly off kilter to annoy perfectionists