Tuesday, September 30, 2014

                                                     NEWS ALERT

Beyoncé burst her blouse and kept singing. I would sing an effen aria if that happened to me. Can you buy a “burst-a-blouse” kit?

They caught the guy trying to get into the White House. He got as far as the East Room.
Someone forgot to push the “Catch-em“ button. The guy should have just dressed up like Beyoncé and told the guards she was going to sing for the Pres. The Pres. would certainly have burst his buttons.

The Clooney wedding is over, and Brad Pitt didn’t attend. He was probably having a “Jolie” good time.

Chicago O’Hare promises to be up and running in the next two weeks. Sorry, folks. Hope you don’t have anything pressing. Can you imagine being a flight attendant on the first flight on day 14? 

I need a cat.

The hour by hour forecast of my mood today is sending out a “Take Cover Alert.”

In our history class last night, a man whose wife has apparently ignored him for the past  seven years kept interrupting the professor with factual tidbits of information he has been saving up decades. The lecture was about Resistance Movements. If he opens his pie hole just once next week, I will not be able to resist moving him (with my stiletto).

At church, the minister told us to see the world through Jesus’ eyes. I wonder if he had cataracts.

This week, I saved $1200 by not pumping up my face with poison so I would have rosy apples like 40-year-olds. I’m just going to go pick some apples and buy some cider. I will let the cider ferment, chew the apples to the core and accept hollow. I look at the bright side: I won’t need a mask when I go trick or treating at the local pre-school.

Oh, yay. We’re getting an “upscale” Walmart in our neighborhood. Isn’t that an oxymoron?