Sunday, September 14, 2014


                                          WHY I NEVER BECAME A STAR

     Everyone wants to be a star. We think about the fame, the fortune, the “frolicking.”
We all know that talent is only a minuscule component of the criteria. For example, if you want to be a singer, all you need is a good sound guy and the most outrageous costumes you can imagine, and you’re on your way.

     To become a dramatic actor, however, might require some skill, unless, of course, you have giant tatas and a mane that could hide a small ferret. A large caboose over which you can stretch any material tightly will also help. Or, if your Daddy is the director or your Mommy is rich, these perks also help.

     The reason I have avoided both of these careers is because I am terrified I will lose my humility. Humility is big with me. I am afraid that with fame would come arrogance, insensitivity and a superiority complex. Hmm. This doesn’t sound that bad, actually.

     But then there’s the question of all that money. We all know the more we have, the more we spend. The more we spend, the more we worry. The more we worry, the more we stress. The more we stress, the more we drink and eat. The more we drink and eat, the sooner we will be in Rehab. Once in Rehab, we have to deal with narcissistic, arrogant, insensitive people like ourselves, and that sounds totally boring. Besides, I hear there’s no alcohol or Caramel Delight ice cream in those places, and if you don’t obey, they take away your password. This is just wrong.

     Nope. I will stick to my Cosmos, my daily dose of Caramel Delight, my baby boobs, my no-nest-hair and my unassuming nature. Just think of the cool eulogy someone could write about me.