Wednesday, October 22, 2014

                     



                                                    RANDOM REFLECTIONS

     Apparently, if you are/were a jock, you have a better than average chance of becoming a successful female role model, according to a recent study. Hmm. That sucks. I’m a mediocre golfer, a clumsy tennis player, a nervous cyclist, a slow runner and an awkward swimmer. Is sex a sport?

     I have always wanted to be famous enough that people would tweet hate messages about me. Indifference is suffocating.

     My body is so wrinkled that I have to iron myself before getting dressed in the morning.Gives a whole new meaning to “Iron, Man!”

     I wish I had enough money that I didn’t have to wait until the last squeeze to buy new toothpaste. Some of my friends buy two or three tubes at once. Now that is pure luxury.
Hmm. Maybe if I sacrificed a pair of Ivanka’s, I’d have enough. Toothpaste? Trump?

     I have worn stilettos for so many years that my big toes are headed north, and the rest of my toes are taking a detour to the east. 

     According to a recent survey, the average woman feels worse about her body when she compares herself to another average woman than if she compares herself to a celebrity. So, neighbor, with the perfect body, “I hate you.” I was doing well comparing myself to Betty White, but she’s the only star I know who is older than me. 

     I went to a meeting today where I found out that there are over 2000 kinds of shrimp. Do I care? People were fascinated. I did learn a lot, however, and it appears that my body is laced with mercury and antibiotics because I didn’t screen the fish I’ve been consuming for the past twenty-five years. Oops. It sure tasted good though. Oh well. At my age, it doesn’t matter what I’m laced with as long as it’s coated with buttery Chardonnay.