Friday, December 12, 2014

                                The Cable Guy

     The cable guy was supposed to show up at 6:00. At 6:48, the robot voice call came  saying that the cable company was confirming our appointment for 6:00 the following evening. 

     FLASHBACK: It all started when we were getting ready to watch a sex and violence flick last night. Now many don’t indulge in such luxury during the week, but sometimes you just have to go with it. So we got all ready to settle in with the fire roaring, the lights out and the suspense mounting. Mr. Wonderful clicks the button, and the little circle goes round and round and round and . . . 

     “Are you effen kiddin’ me?” he yells. I sit calmly, being mature for my age, and I say nothing. In my head, I’m saying, “Oh no, not again.” He clicks a few more times, and the circle continues to spin. Finally, after numerous attempts and expletives, he unplugs everything and prepares to reboot. I  head to to my woman cave to wait, not wanting to have my virgin ears filled with flying f-bombs.

     A half hour later, I descend the stairs on tippy toe to see what might be happening. He is not in front of the television; he is on the phone with that scrunched-up face. . . again.I retreat to my cave.

     An hour later, I come downstairs to get the verdict. “They are so screwed! They don’t know what they’re doing,” he says. “They’re coming tomorrow at 6:00 to give us a new
cable box.” “Yeah, right,” I say. 

     Fast forward, night #2 as per paragraph #1 after call # 6 from various departments of the cable company. “I think it may work, so let’s try it. The guy better show up tomorrow night, or I’m really going to be .. . . . . “ 

     We turn on the cable, find the movie (still there, surprisingly). We settle in and start identifying with the protagonist when, suddenly, a screen comes up that says, “Do you want to purchase this film?” “WTF?” he shouts. “What should I do?” “I don’t know. If you click “yes,” they will charge us twice for the same movie.” “Oh, what the hell,” he says clicking the “yes.” The screen now goes back to the beginning of the film, and the little circle starts spinning again. Nothing. 

     At this point, I am saying to myself, “In the grand scheme of things, this is rather amusing. It’s like a bad commercial for cable tv. I can write about this.” I am thinking maybe we should invite the nice cable guy to dinner tomorrow night. Maybe a good meal will guarantee no more spinning, and we can finally find out if the writer in the movie kills himself or his mother. Or maybe Mr. Wonderful will deck the cable guy. Can’t wait.