Thursday, January 29, 2015

      I have hidden behind various labels through my life in order to avoid measuring up, fitting in or taking the blame. The most recent is not one I ever coveted, but it works wonders:  I’m old and stupid.

      Actually, I must confess Mr. Wonderful coined the phrase long before I ever wanted to adopt it. His using it saved us many marital quarrels, and I even laugh when he says it. It works well, for example, when I say, “Is there some reason you are running late again?” “Yup,” he says without batting any eye, “I’m old and stupid.” Takes the edge right off for me, and I just chill.

     A friend posted a cartoon today about forgetting things because he was old. One of his face book pals wrote, “We have to make room for other things. It gets crowded in there.”  I have used that line too, but old and stupid still tops having to be specific. 

     The idea came to me today as I told Mr. Wonderful that perhaps I need to consider wearing a one-piece bathing suit at my age. First he asked which piece I intended to wear, but then he asked, “Why would you do that? You look great in the two piece suit; in fact, I will buy you a new two-piece if you want.” This begs the question:  “Is he old and stupid? or blind, old and stupid?” In any case, I can always say I’m too stupid to recognize that women my age don’t show this much skin, or I can say, “At my age, I should deprive myself of nothing, including wearing what I damn well please. I am certainly not hurting anyone.” 

      Now some women might look at me and say, “That’s disgusting. Who does she think she is?” On the other hand, I might think (not say), “Why don’t you show off your darling figure, sweetheart?” or “Are you effen kiddin’ me letting all that flab bounce in the breeze?”

     If there is a “right” or “wrong,” I don’t want to know. The person making that decision these days is probably 12 and doesn’t even remember the panty girdle. As long as I can wear a size 2, bite me.

(Do you love his toes? Great toes:)