Saturday, January 10, 2015

                                               No More Nagging, by George!   

     Those of us who use our devices on a regular basis, particularly women, find adds popping up every time we write an email, a document or even pull up a playlist on I-tunes. This has become somewhat disturbing to me recently as reflected on my Visa bill.
     I was writing a memo to my Executive Committee announcing an upcoming meeting, and lo and behold, up popped the $295 booties I’ve been eyeing for the past three weeks. I can’t justify spending that much on another pair of stilts, so it is easy to ignore, but that’s not the only add that surfaces frequently. The pencil skirt I like at Ann Taylor, the exquisite gown I’ve been following at Macy’s, the bathing suit I like at Nordstrom all keep jumping into my line of sight. The obvious answer to this issue is not to surf the net for clothing, but sometimes the temptation is just too great.
     Susie Orman’s haunting advice about “needs” and “wants” simply adds guilt and shame to the emotions I experience when looking at the product that flashes next to my cursor--sometimes even prompting some curses. “Leave me alone. I don’t need you to tempt me. I know you’re there, and you’re still too expensive.” The little flasher doesn’t give up, though; he keeps flashing often for weeks. Of course, as the products go on sale, the consumer sees the value in the purchase, and the advertising executives jump on their mahogany tables crying, “Another feckless female succumbs!” Yup. That’s me.
     Last week, I bought two dresses online from Macy’s. Of course, I not only had coupons, but it was the proverbial “ONE DAY ONLY SALE” that boasts 15% off everything I’ve ever wanted. So I bought two instead of one. The first one came last week and, fortunately, didn’t fit. So I have to traipse to the UPS store to mail it back according to the online directions. What took five seconds to purchase took 45 minutes to repackage and prep for return. The second dress, however, is darling and makes me look ultra-stacked, so it was worth all the aggravation.
      All of this leads me to a variation on the theme. Instead of adds popping up on devices, wouldn’t it be cool to have hubby honey-do lists pop up instead? Each wife could customize this service by ordering the list to appear solely on her hubby’s devices. “Pick up cleaning, feed dog, pick up your lint socks, wash the car, go to the recycling center, wash the kitchen floor, pick up surprise for loving wife.” This would eliminate nagging but deliver the message several times a day. 

     I need to call George Forman right now.