Thursday, January 15, 2015

     



     Watching the early morning news can be a depressing practice. After listening to “BREAKING NEWS,” I have come to understand why they call it “BREAKING.”
It breaks your heart and tries to break your spirit. So, I have tried switching to other channels while I consume my 18th Autumn Wheat square. 


     So far, I have not been successful in finding some program to jump start my day in a positive manner. I tried cartoons, but Bugs got boring, and I got dizzy watching the “wheels of the bus go round and round.” The body-building ads just reminded me that my days of hoping for a six pack went out with college TGIF keggers. I tried watching the weather channel, but after realizing that there is no “ideal” state in which to live other than in the state of numb, I clicked to the 427th rerun of Law and Order starring Chris Noth, age 17. That didn’t cut it either, so I resorted to the local traffic report which reminded me that the only time I can drive our local streets without tearing my cuticles into bloody stubs and gritting my teeth to toothpicks was 4:00 a.m. This did nothing to cheer me. Moving on to the spiritual channel, I soon discovered that there is no hope for me; my sins are rusted in my wiring, and there’s no hope of salvation.

     I have done the most logical thing; I’ve gone back to bed.