Wednesday, February 25, 2015

     What can I write about? The crap weather we’ve been having here in southern Paradise? Nope. How about how the economy is rebounding? Nope (can’t afford the blue leather cropped jacket even on sale at White House Black Market). How the world is a safer place than in my childhood? Who’s kiddin’ who here? How my 23.4 minute workout is helping me “maintain?” Maintain what? flab? crepe? the fantasy?

     I have wracked my pea brain all morning trying to think of a topic I have not yet treated in my 16-month tenure as an QB (Queen Blogger --had you goin’ there, didn’t I? Y’all thought I’d gone out for the team in my stilettos:)

     Nope. None of these things is valid or interesting. So I will talk about my upcoming anniversary that I would love to celebrate with all of you loyal “laughter effects” fans. In less than 1,033 hits and nine blogs from this very minute, I will have reached 400 posts and 20,000 hits. Although these stats are not really brag-worthy, I am very proud that so many people have read my slice-of-life musings. You may not care what this does for me, but as I am the Queen of this blog, I am going to tell you anyway.

     When I get up before 5:00 a.m. every day, I sit down at this keyboard and share my morning thoughts. Some of these have been brewing in my brain for years; others just show up at the first swallows of caffeine. Being able to share my perspective on the highs and lows of life is something I treasure. If one person reads it and says to himself, “Yeah, right,” or some woman says to her spouse, “You ought to read this,” then my day is complete. Of course, I never know who says what, as there is no way for my readers to connect with me on my blog. So I hear it occasionally in other ways. Sometimes, I will be at the grocery store and one of my friend’s husbands will approach me and say, “I loved your blog last week. How do you come up with this shit?” Or one of my former students will write me a note and say, “You were a crazy teacher, and you haven’t changed a bit! When I read your blog, it took me back to 1983.” Yup. This is what keeps me writing and keeps me pretending that people out there are thinking about things that never occurred to them or are reading a perspective that might enlighten. Yes, this is my motivation. I could write another book and sell another couple hundred copies, but that’s too much work, and no one really cares. This way, I get to write every day and pretend I’m a best seller. It’s a wonderful fantasy; I pretend I’m in the mainstream.

     To celebrate this anniversary, I plan to do something very special for y’all that costs absolutely nothing and necessitates no effort whatsoever. When I come up with the plan, I’ll let you know. You will have to read the next 8 blogs, however, so you don’t miss it, just in case it might be something valuable like a Pet Smart coupon or a trip to Belize.