Saturday, March 7, 2015

     It’s 32 degrees outside. The sky is a gray-white, and the trees look paralyzed and bored. I’m relating to this. I woke up at 4:07 a.m. This is an hour or so earlier than my usual, so I treated myself to an extra cup-o-Joe and watched a special on PBS describing the history of the Colosseum in Rome. I must admit, it was fascinating, and I congratulated my insomniac-self on getting some moonlit education. Did you know that they used prisoners to execute for the entertainment of the citizens? They also found a mass grave that had skeletons of gladiators. They determined that someone created a potion to heal their wounds so they could go back into the arena for more folly. This was more than my 4:38 a.m. brain could process. So I went back to bed after my last banana bite.

     It’s now almost 10:00 a.m., and the view out my window has not changed in the last 30 minutes since my second awakening. For some reason, I’m not feeling like tackling the world. I posted my blog and ate some almonds, and that seems to have consumed all the available energy of the morning.

     For some time, I have been feeling very guilty about not being busy enough. My day
starts usually about 5:00-5:30 a.m., and by 3:00 p.m. my brain is fried, so I take a nap. During those ten hours, I accomplish all kinds of good things, but I don’t go outside or engage in phone conversation. Mr. Wonderful thinks I’m a recluse, but I argue that I am at my computer or my piano creating and expressing myself. Or I am working out on my treadmill in a sunbeam or lifting 10-pound weights to keep the sistas perky. Or I am writing my next speech or planning my next Committee Meeting. Other women are out there playing sports, winning bridge tournaments and planting gardens. What’s wrong with me? I don’t do those things, and I will never do those things just like they don’t put on one-woman dramatic musilogues for the public or write 400 blogs. A chacun son goût, I say (To Each Her Own). Somehow, however, I highly doubt those women feel guilty about not doing what I do.

     So how to get rid of the guilt is the question. I have decided that the next time I feel like that, I will ask what voice in my head is making me feel this way, and I will silence it. This will require a creative strategy that is sure to keep me busy. Stay tuned for “Busy Silencing Voices,” a great topic for my next speech.