Monday, March 16, 2015

     Have you ever been in a woman’s restroom at a major airport? This is now the latest place to have a total stranger guilt-trip you before you boost your booty into a naugahyde nightmare for six hours. 

     What sadistic CEO came up with this plan? I can just hear him:

     “I have a great idea. Let’s put a gregarious counter-wiping, throne-brushing bully-bitch in the women’s restroom to harass the unsuspecting latte-carrying passengers who just want to pee and run back to line B. She can guilt-trip them into giving her a tip out of which we get 75%. Who’s in?” 

     As one of those unsuspecting fools, my first glimpse of this broad who welcomes me to her potty-park, dripping sweet greetings, I rush into the stall whispering profanities. wtf. You can’t even pee in peace anymore. Someone is always after your money. The “I’m sorry, I don’t have change,” or “I’ll catch you next time” elicits a glare that could melt ironman. 

     So how do you escape from this potty predator? You can just wash your hands, wipe them on your thong and ignore her. Or, you can try to strike up a conversation with her, asking if she has any pets. Or, you can hold it till Kansas.