Thursday, April 23, 2015

If you are one of the unenlightened who still suffers through ridiculous drug commercials, you will appreciate my translation of the warnings.

-Could cause hysterical laughter that will get you thrown off a plane or locked in the cargo hold with nappers.

-Could cause you to pass out, crack your head on a rock and bleed to death.

-Could cause kidneys to fail resulting in your peeing on your mother-in-law’s new carpet.

-Could cause uncontrollable bouts of yodeling.

-Studies have proven that taking this drug for more than 3 days will lead to divorce.

-Side effects could cause nose enlargements thus lining the pockets of greedy plastic surgeons.

-Could cause increase in liver spots so you will look like a connect-the-dots poster.

-If you have an erection for more than 4 hours, buy a lifetime supply of these puppies.

-This drug has been known to cause pregnancy in lemurs.

-Do not take, if you like your face just the way it is.

-Do not use if you value your dignity.

Do not watch drug commercials if you value your sanity.