Friday, May 29, 2015

     Inspired by my daughter’s post, and adhering to Friday's  blog Fashion or French theme, I have made some recent observations about fashion.
     The other day, we went to a Memorial pool party at the nearby country club. The average age was about 37, so this means that the majority of moms were about five to seven years past giving birth to their children. Granted, most of these young things had beautiful skin--a trait I have never enjoyed. No matter what your size or shape, if you have good skin, you can look young and vibrant forever (damn!) I was quite surprised to notice that many of these young women did not have flat tummies, yet they still ran around in two piece bathings suits. Apparently, they get boob jobs to balance out the body instead of killing themselves like I’ve done my whole life trying to burn off the baby bump. I can honestly say, I don’t know how some of them carry those watermelons around. How do they do their push-ups with those things? How do they carry their groceries? 

     To my daughter’s point, how would the poor plastic surgeons stay in business if women did not covet huge tatas. Do men dictate this obsession? Mr. Wonderful is a leg man (ha), but his head will turn completely around on his neck when he sees a fleshy pair on a  mildly attractive woman. Anyway, the tatas are only one part of the plastic surgeons repertoire. These doctors can rake it in with tummy tucks, face lifts, skin-sag surgery and eye lifts. It makes me wish I had been good in science so I could have gone to Med School. I’d be a millionaire by now, and I’d have the best body going. 

     Now I will admit, my Dr. Shot is on speed dial. I haven’t succumbed to Mr. W’s dream that I be a “D” cup by 75, but I must admit a little Voluma and an occasional Botox certainly lifts my spirits, and It’s a mere thousand or two per visit. ugh. This guy must be planning his retirement on the French Riviera as I write. (Well, I’ve been there, la la lère!) 

     Then there’s the “Spanx” industry. wtf. I thought girdles went out in the 60s, and I’ve boycotted pantyhose since 1998. My friends tell me that they wear these “devices” to give themselves a “smooth look.” Smooth/schmoothe! Not for this gal. I say, stop eating pasta and give up the second Cosmo, and you can avoid squeezing your poor frame into some man’s dream to be a millionaire at the expense of women trying to look like Pamela Anderson. Come on, ladies, do we have no pride? How many men endure such torture to please us? C’est absurde!