Tuesday, July 7, 2015

                             NEW DIET


     I need to lose at least three years, and pronto. The time has just caught up to me, despite watching my age daily. Just when I weigh in at “age appropriate,” I look in the mirror and hold back cries of disbelief.

    I have Googled every anti-aging diet known to vain women, but I have found nothing short of “woman-up” advice or procedures that threaten my heart and brain function.

     I have found a few helpful tips, however, such as having photos taken on my back so the wrinkles fall back into the 1/2 ounce of collagen still left floating around in my jowls. Having photos taken from very far away also works. Photoshop is every )(*&^-something’s best friend.

     My daughter-in-law suggested “aging with Grace?” Who the hell is Grace, and what does she have to do with this? She probably got the same genes my daughter-in-law got. I have nothing to say to either of them about skin, as they got it, and I didn’t. I’m still pissed about that.
If my grandmother were here, I’d give her a very tiny piece of my mind.

     Over the week-end, a friend said she feels like she is 40. I said, “Who the hell got up in their 40s and said, boy does this feel good!?” No one thinks about how they feel until they start feeling like crap, and then they realize they should have been thinking about it from the time they were 12. Now everyone is 12, and we are old. I said that I feel like I’m a teen-ager. (This has much to do with my immaturity). It’s true though, as I am blessed to have almost no aches or pains, and I take no medication. Today. Tomorrow it could all turn to shit, so I’m not going to be all smug about this. Learned that lesson too often. 

     So, I shall “woman-up” and journey on. Maybe the answer is to just get rid of the mirrors in the house. Now there’s a concept.