Friday, July 24, 2015

     Just when I hit rock bottom, it seems that fabulous things begin to happen. Have you ever noticed this? Maybe it’s just my imagination, but it happens in different ways. For example, when I am considering distancing myself from someone who continues to annoy me, that person invariably turns around and, totally unaware that I’m ready to tap “delete,” he or she does something incredibly unselfish and wonderful to change my mind. Hmm. I never considered that maybe my attitude or perspective changed somehow in the decision-making process. I cannot be specific, as I might offend someone, and although offending seems to be “in,” I choose not to go there.

     During the few days prior to my birthday, I was in a major funk—fighting meltdown with what is left of my hormones. Nothing seemed to cheer me, and I kept asking myself how to put it all in perspective so I didn’t do the pity party thing. In a film we watched one night (Danny Collins), there was a line that said something like “Think about all the native women whose nipples are sore from trying to feed their poor children, and then try to feel sorry for yourself.” Somehow that didn’t translate when I was wallowing in my junk. Anyway, without going into detail about my quick recovery, let it suffice to say that, at least for me, talking to a good friend can certainly help. I did this with a relatively new friend.

     Without telling her my issues, she said, “I love shrinks. Do you know of a good one? If so, give me her number because I could go to one everyday of my life.” As I admire this woman a lot, I laughed and said, “I do know of one, but your comment has so validated me that I don’t need to see her!” Validation is so important. Knowing we are not the only ones in the quagmire is so comforting, but I don’t believe in sharing my very intimate issues with my friends. That gets sticky. I listened to a friend (not a close one) a few months ago when she confided some very intimate details of her issues with me, and she hasn’t spoken to me since. Beware of too much good listening. (That’s ironic.)

     Some people, like my mother, believed that when things are dicey, you should just “pull yourself up by your boot straps,” and get on with it. Ah, were it that simple! First of all, she of all people who was quite fashion conscious, should know that boots don’t have straps. Just sayin’. I remember through the years always feeling worse after talking to my mother, so I stopped. For those of you who have Moms who are compassionate, empathetic and kind, celebrate and appreciate them. I am proud to say that I have raised two mothers that are nothing like my own.

      Anyway, there are potholes in this life, and often on the journey, we can’t see ahead to dodge them. Even if we see them coming, sometimes we think we can avoid them, and they still suck us in. That’s called living. If we’re human, we will react. If we’re mature, we will work it through and learn from it. If we are normal, we will spend some “wallow-time,” and that is all right.

     I remember my high school boyfriend (R.I.P.) saying that every so often he would get off track like a train that was not in the groove or like gears that get jammed—their teeth not synching. We all know what that feels like to some extent, and if we can get “back on track” without crashing, that’s good. If we have to jam up or fall off for a short time, sometimes by the time we get back on, the ride is twice as smooth.

      Well, funk is junk, and jam is for toast, so let’s get our groove back on and enjoy the ride.