Saturday, September 12, 2015

“Friends are those rare people who ask how you are and then wait to hear the answer.”
“A friend says, “Tell me one word which is significant in any kind of relationship?”
Another friend says, “LISTEN.”


     These quotes are not my own. The words have been quoted in numerous ways by philosophers, psychologists and writers. The concept goes back centuries. So why is it that intelligent people in the 21st century don’t get it? Communication assumes there are at least two people involved. It involves a speaking/listening balance that leaves both with a deeper, richer, more meaningful understanding and appreciation of the other. Relationships break down when at least one party is not listening, or perhaps listening, but not hearing. Hearing loss is not necessarily physical; it can start when we’re young and become a habit that is
seemingly unbreakable.

     The way couples communicate is the largest determiner of a successful marriage. Look at the divorce rate. With all of the advances we have made through the years in all fields,  some people still don’t understand how real communication works.

                                         The Conversation Bully Test

  1. Do you talk more than two minutes without allowing anyone else to respond?

2.   Do you interrupt when someone else is speaking?

3.   Do you talk over someone who is trying to respond to what you are saying?

4.   Do you think about whether someone else is left out of the conversation?

5.   Are you comfortable with silence?

6.   Do you dismiss other’s views if they don’t agree with your own?

7.  Do you use social conversation as an opportunity to brag about yourself?

8.  Do you know as much about the people you’re with as they do about you?

9. Do you become impatient waiting for your turn to speak, knowing in advance what you want to say?

10. Would people say you are admired for being a good listener?

     Most CPs won’t even read this. If you know one, find a way to enlighten the person so communication will thrive and monologues will become passé. 

                      If we are heard, we feel validated. If we don’t listen, we won’t know it.