Saturday, September 5, 2015

     In my next life, I want to be a writer like Dave Barry. This man is absolutely hilarious. When I read his books, I am holding my gut and howling with tears running down my face. If you have never read this guy, you owe it to yourself to check out any of his books. His essay on the colonoscopy is classic. 

     I am still fascinated by what people laugh at. Coming home from my Toastmaster meeting tonight, I recall various people laughing throughout the evening. I found absolutely nothing amusing the entire night, and I love these people. I don’t know if they are laughing because whatever was said reminded them of something funny or if they really thought what they heard was amusing. As a frustrated humorist, I can find no pattern, no reason, no explanation for taste. I’m sure people say the same about me.

     One woman labeled herself a “cynical optimist.” I found that somewhat amusing, and I had to think about what that meant. She held up a half-full glass of water and asked people if they saw it as half-full or half-empty. My immediate reaction was “This is kind of old and
trite.” But upon reflection, I admitted to myself that it is old because I am old, and there are many who may never have heard of this statement. To me, it’s simple: When everything is going well in my life, the glass is half-full. When things have fallen apart, the glass is broken and the pieces are digging into my corn pads.

     The only amusing thing that I can think of that occurred this evening was at the end of my speech, some hair got stuck to my lip, and I was trying to lick it off while delivering the dynamic close. 

     Here are a few quotes from Dave Barry:

Buy the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts in a darkened room using only your teeth.

If you were to open up a baby’s head—and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should—you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland.

Feudalism is sometimes called “the internet of the Middle Ages.”Feudalism was based on a “ladder type” of organizational structure, similar to Amway. You started out on the bottom rung, in the position of serf. This was not an easy job, but if you worked hard, followed the rules, did not complain, and were a “team player,” after a certain period of time you fell off the bottom rung and died.