Monday, November 9, 2015

     Okay. So we have this gorgeous house. I believe it’s decorated beautifully, but then again, I decorated it, so what would I say? Mr. Wonderful thinks it’s beautiful, but he’s married to the decorator, so what does he know? 

     Mr. W. wants to move to Florida. All our friends say, “Only old people live there.” Our answer is simply, “We’re old. Hello.” I have not been part of his dream, as I am perfectly happy right here in my gorgeously-decorated home. Au contraire, I would like to make some changes, but that would be senseless seeing that one day we might just sell it. Maybe four years from next Thursday.

      We have had it for sale for one year. Approximately 40 people have seen it. 36 of the 40 said it was “beautiful,” and “beautifully-decorated.” No one has made an offer. wtf? Any idiot knows that the price must be too high. So we lowered it not once, but three times. Still no difference in the feedback. 

     in the meantime, we both put our lives on hold. I lasted about three weeks with that plan, and I finally said, “Nope, not doing this. This is dumb.” So I have gone on with mine, and I’m having lots of fun. Mr. W., on the other hand, is all frustrated as he told his Boards that we were moving, so they passed him by on “Board President” possibilities. Now his life is on hold, he’s freezing his ass off in the damp, and he has no project. The leaves are falling and staining his newly-power-washed driveway, and the acorns are cracking under his billion-dollar tires, so he’s pissed off every day. Do you know what it’s like living with a pissed-off-acorn-hater? 

     The next issue is what trip to plan. While we are waiting for the nice people to not buy our house but tell us how beautiful it is, we would like to go on a trip. How can we justify spending thousands on a trip when the friggin’ house needs its acorns removed and a fresh coat of paint in the library bath? This is downright disturbing to say the least. 

     We have taken the house off the market. We showed them. Now we have no, count ‘em zero potential for selling the house, we can’t justify planning a trip, Mr. W. has no life, and I’m happy as a clam. There’s something wrong with this picture.