Monday, December 28, 2015

     Ok. I got the pillow fort in place. Three pillows positioned around my head to block out all snorts, snores and other male sounds. In the middle of the night, the fort collapsed. Oh, no. That wasn’t the worst part. At the hotel, there is no noise (some think this is good, but this is not good for Queen Diva). The noise machine on my cell died because I forgot to put it on the charger. 1:47 a.m.: total quiet. This is called a nightmare. No fort. No noise. Just male sounds.

     I tippytoed in the dark to find Mr. Wonderful’s briefcase where the chargers were stored
neatly tied together with a plastic do-jiggy. Working fast and furiously as quietly as possible so as not to awaken the master, I dislodged my charger, held my breath and felt my way back to my phone. I plugged it in, and voilà—instant noise. Whew. Gently repositioning my fort pillows, I settled back down into the breathe-breathe-block-out-the-world routine. Success.

     When I got up, Mr. Wonderful was grumbling about how he got absolutely no rest last night. What? Apparently, he had the itchies. Now, granted, the rooms in hotels are often very dry, to the point where when you wake up in the morning, your mouth looks like a hungry goldfish—all puckered into an “oooo.” Sometimes I have to push my lips back into my face just to make sure I haven’t encountered a monster during the night. Anyway, we determined that the “itchies” could have been from the sheets, the shellfish he ate or from someone tiptoeing during the night spreading itch dust. 

     I left him itching, bitching and wheezing as I headed to the breakfast bar. Caffeine—-help!