Sunday, January 10, 2016

                                              Sober "Whoopsies" - Nope, Don't Think So

     Tonight, I decided to do something I almost never do:  I watched football for two hours. That is something that for most men is like brushing their teeth. They would say, “So what?” For many women, however, (not all, of course), spending two hours in front of crotch-scratching muscle men as they try to crush each others’ brains is not our idea of entertainment. 

     We started with my son-in-law’s favorite, the Houston Texans who were facing off against the Kansas City Chiefs. OMG. What a pathetic display of “whoopsies.” The poor quarterback must have been doing shots last night because his performance was so sad that I felt sorry for him. Public humiliation is the worst, and this poor guy must have had a body guard walk him to his truck. In Texas where you can open carry, I was sure someone was going to shoot this guy. This game reminded me of the one I watched in 7th grade in 1960.

      We moved on to the Steelers versus the Bengals. I think we only moved up a grade (8th grade, maybe) because the performance wasn’t much better. As they were playing in torrential rain, the loss of the ball was understandable, but I began yawning in the first quarter and barely made it to the third. When you start looking forward to Geico commercials, you know you’re bored.

     Now had I been indulging in some serious beer and snacks during these games, I’m sure I would have found them much more engaging, but stone cold sober, it was more like a comedy than a night out with the guys. We did laugh a lot, but the laughter was sad. 

     How these men get up after they’ve been stepped on, punched, slammed and head-banged will always amaze me. I could never be a quarterback’s wife. I would have to shut my eyes tight every time he played, and then I’d have to think about his yardage all the way to Tiffany’s.

      How about you? Are you a football fan? Could you watch a whole game without a drink? Could you tailgate with Dr. Pepper?