Saturday, February 6, 2016

     It’s 2:08 a.m. Mr. Wonderful wants to talk. Are you effen’ kiddin’ me? Talk? Hello, it’s night time, big boy. The night before, we had about 20 minutes sleep, as we spent the night on an air mattress that creaked every time he breathed. When he snored, I rolled over to the edge and risked causing major damage to my body. Fortunately, for him, I never actually fell off the bed, but it was touch and go there for a while. On the way to our next venue (wonderful Michigan friends who live in a lovely community near Naples), we stopped in a church parking lot to take a nap. We hid under a large tree in our tiny sports car, Marcel, and prayed that the paunchy pontiff would not come out and try to baptize us. Whew. A good 20 minutes did not make up for the eight hours I lost, however. 

      So, when the topic of equity in the house came up at 2:18 a.m., I rolled over on my cellulite, opened one eye and said, “are you effen kiddin’ me?”

     It’s 8:40 a.m., and I think it’s time for my nap. Oh, before I forget, here’s a list of all the new things I have encountered since we left  7 days ago:


  1. 9 small alligators within reaching distance
  2. one large air mattress out to get me
  3. a delicious Caesar with fab dressing (from a bag)
  4. a night with no white noise (nightmare)
  5. a transvestite parading down the street in South Beach
  6. handing over our sports car to a random Cuban who took it somewhere to park for the night for a mere $40.
  7. a $120 meal that was worth about $3.94.
  8. a friend who said, “You know, it’s not all about you.” I said, “It isn’t?”
  9. emerald water
  10. Taylor Swift loves “the cricket.”