Saturday, March 5, 2016


      If you have ever come out of surgery feeling like crap, you know what it feels like to be locked inside the “sick bubble.” When you feel awful, you may hear words coming from others’ lips, but you only hear them through the walls of the “sick bubble.” All you can think about is getting out of the “sick bubble,” and you can’t speed up the process. The “sick bubble” will hold you captive until it deems it necessary to dissolve and let you crawl out on your raw hands and knees and take a whiff of the world.

     I am “Nurse Fifi,” and I am nursing Mr. Wonderful while he is being held captive in the
“sick bubble.” He nods his head when I speak, but I know he hasn’t heard a word I’ve said. He’s thinking about bodily functions like when the next burp might arrive unannounced. He smiles sickly to humor the Nurse, but she knows deep down that all he’s thinking about is, well, you know.

     I am amazed at how easy being a Nurse can be. All I have to do is wait on my patient hand and foot and run back and forth to the grocery store and pharmacy whenever he needs something. This is quite simple, as the alternative is being locked in the house with a “sick bubble.” I will readily admit that caring for Mr. W. has been very pleasant, as he is so grateful for everything I do for him. I turned on his heating blanket, and you would have thought I had given him a million dollars. 

     It is day 3. I told him at dinner (although I don’t think it registered through the “bubble” that tomorrow he was going to feel so much better. I said, “Day four is always the turning point.” That is total bullshit, but it was the first time I think he actual heard what I said because he smiled like he does when he farts.

     Surgery sucks. “Sick bubbles” suck. Nursing? If I got paid to be this nice, that would rock.