Sunday, August 21, 2016

      Sometimes no matter how positive a person can be most of the time, shit happens, and spirits collapse. This doesn’t mean we are weak, ungrateful or selfish; it just means we’re human. Depending on how much pressure we put on ourselves to always put on a happy face, some days we just can’t do it. 

     I can still be a positive person when I’m angry, disappointed or frustrated. I can still be upbeat some of the time when I am in crisis. It’s ok to let down and be mad or sad; it’s human. I have learned to give myself permission to feel all human emotion. It wasn’t always that way. I used to get angry, resentful, frustrated, discouraged, but then I would add another layer of angst by chiding myself for having those feelings. I refuse to let anyone take away my right to feel. When someone says to me, “Don’t be sad. Don’t let it get it to you. Look at the big picture.” In my opinion, in their efforts to cheer me up, they are trying to take away my right to feel normal human emotion. Empathy is the key. If you want me to calm down, then say something like, “I can tell you’re really upset right now” or “I get it. I really understand why you would feel that way.” This way, you validate my feelings, and you show me you care. Don’t try to fix me. That’s my job.

     Yesterday, some shit happened. Some of it was avoidable, some not. I sometimes don’t see problems coming, so I’m at a disadvantage. I often don’t have time to don my big girl shoes before my little girl emotions kick in. When someone tries to fix me, I get stuck in the little girl mode, and I have trouble growing up in the moment. I got stuck in little girl mode yesterday, and I’m still working my way back into my adult. Right now, I’m still in teen-age mode. No one can get me to adult except me, but you can keep me in rebel mode easily by saying or doing the wrong thing. How does anyone know the “right” way to not fix? By paying attention to the times these incidents occur and watching the process. If I know that filing my nails irritates you, then I need to prepare myself for your reaction when I do it, right? 

     Have you tried to fix anyone lately? How did that work for you?