Sunday, September 4, 2016

     Do you ever wish you could add a dashboard to your body with some buttons you could push to improve your lifestyle? I This dashboard would have buttons for various categories, and a time to determine how long you wanted the modification to last, i.e. take away my hunger for the nest two hours. I have come up with a daring dashboard concept. Which buttons would you add?

Here’s my list:

Ladies first.

  1. When you’ve finished a big meal, and you want to go to the beach, you simply push the Digest Button, and you’re tummy is flat, you look amazing in your new bikini, and you run in slow motion into the ocean moonlight. No flab, no flatulence.

2.  When you’re interviewing for a big job, you push the Blemish Button, and all spots of any kind disappear from your face, neck  and décolletage. 

3.   When you’re ready to wring the neck of a family member who is making you nuts, you just push the Let-it-go button, and all anger dissipates. 

4.  When you want to retaliate against someone who has hurt or wronged you in some way, you push the It’s Not Worth It button, and chill.

5.  When the entire house needs cleaning, and you are exhausted from thinking up clever blogs, you push the “Dust and Dirt Don’t Matter”button, and you go about your Cosmo.

Gentlemen next:

  1. When your spouse starts nagging you about the chores you didn’t finish, you push the “Deaf” button, and suddenly you see her mouth going, but you hear nothing.

2.  When you are watching the game, and your kids start running in front of the TV and making noise, you push the “Freeze” button, and the little buggers just stop and shut up until you push the “defrost” button.

3.  When the ball stops 1/16 of an inch to the left of the cup, you simply push the “slight breeze” button, and voilà. 

4.  When a gorgeous blond sits down next to you on the plane, you push the “Clooney Charisma” button, and before you know it, she’s hanging on your every word.

     Wouldn’t it be lovely? I guess the Big Guy needed more days.