Sunday, April 2, 2017

     My father always taught me that any experience, however negative, is a learning tool and a character builder. If this is true, then I should be awarded an honorary PhD for endurance. Four days imprisoned in our house may sound like nothing to many (especially as it’s a pretty nice house), but for Ms. Unstoppable, this was a painful and humbling 96+hour event. Although there is still a lingering hack to stifle, I think the worst is over. #flusucks2017.

     So what do you learn when your life comes to a screeching halt for some physical issue? You learn to let go of stuff that doesn’t matter:  making the bed, cleaning the toilets, washing the floors, catching the latest sales at WHBM, riding your bike or starting the great America novel. You learn to focus on getting through the next ten minutes without coughing yourself into a coma. You learn to expect nothing of yourself. You learn to say thank you prayers that it’s nothing worse than the flu.

     As we cautiously ventured out to the grocery store last night, yours truly dressed in red skirt, warm cotton sweater and matching stilettos, I thought to myself, “I hope no one sees me grocery shopping on a Saturday night. What kind of social misfit does that? Me. Let it go, girlfriend. You’re vertical—enjoy it!”  

     My most stimulating moment yesterday was my brief conversation with the clerk at the check out register. An old codger (about my age), he rolled his eyes at the woman behind me who obviously did not want to wait for me to check out. She apparently gave Codger a dirty look. He said, “You see all kinds in this line of work.” I said that I could imagine, and I went on to say that he must have to bite his tongue many times in a week. Laughing, he replied, “I know one thing. Wealth does not necessarily mean class.” He went on to say that some woman who threw her basket on his counter from the aisle behind him gave him a dirty look when he handed it back to her. She had left her Mercedes keys in the basket, and he said, “I think you left something here.” She replied, “Don’t you talk down to me.” What???  I said, “It was probably a 1996 used car she inherited from her father. “

     People are so weird.Codger and I got some much-needed laughs. We agreed that nothing shocks anymore.  I carried my groceries to the car, head down to disguise loser status, and thought to myself, there is always something amusing to ponder if we just spend more time observing and listening that flapping our jaws. Mine is temporarily unflappable, as “hackhack” comes out rather than my usual glib rhetoric, so I continue to endure and dust off my honorary Phd.