Sunday, July 9, 2017

     The number of my blog followers has stayed the same for several months. My numbers are not at all brag-worthy. The good news is I have followers. Would I like hundreds more? Of course, but I am not writing to be the most popular blogger on the block; I am writing because I need to say what’s on my mind and in my heart. I write because for years people told me I couldn’t. I write because at least one person every so often tells me how much they enjoy my perspective and are inspired by it. 

     Today I am trying to figure out how to cheer up Mr. Wonderful as he struggles with some issues. He made it clear to me over 20 years ago that he didn’t need me to lecture, to give advice or to counsel him. He certainly never appreciated my “teacher voice.” All he wanted me to do is listen. I listen, but what he really wants me to do is listen from my heart, not my ears. I know how to do that with everyone else, but with him, I had to learn a certain way. The only way I know of really helping him today will not work. Sometimes people need to just talk it out and then find their own way. That’s how he usually attacks a problem, and it generally works for him.The best way I know of feeling better if I am down is to “reframe” things. We can only do that for ourselves, because no one really knows how each of us thinks.

     For example, when we got the repair bill for our car, we were immediately upset. That wasn’t bad enough. The repair guy was rude, the dealership manager was a jerk, and they didn’t even offer us a bottled water while we waited. How do you reframe a $1200 bill and obnoxious? Well, this is how our conversation evolved. We decided the car is now getting up in miles. We don’t like what they’ve done to the new models, and we would like to get a newer model, but one that doesn’t have the smaller engine that the new ones have. The conversation resulted in a plan to look for a used 2015 or 2016 model that has a Pre-Certified Warranty. It’s a “win/win!” I cried. The sparkle came back to his eyes, and he is now on a mission.

     Every negative has a positive. I really believe that. We don’t always see it at the time, but it does. It may not be a positive about the issue at hand. It could be totally unrelated, but often it happens like the story above. By reframing, by looking at every angle, every possible plus, we can find something positive to celebrate. 

     Here are some small examples from the past month’s activities:

  1. We got stuck in a blinding rain on the highway. We pulled off, got a hotel and had a delightful dinner in a restaurant on the river. The sun came out, shone on the surface, and we laughed about the story we had to tell.
  2. My hair is thinning. I worry about looking like an old lady. My friend who has a ton of hair, just bought a glamorous wig for a wedding. She showed me a store where I can buy hair extensions. There’s always an answer. (I didn’t say it would be cheap.)
  3. I was supposed to drink some yucky stuff for the CT exam I had to have. The tech called someone and whoever it was (a doctor, his mom?) said I didn’t need the yucky stuff. (I had worried about that giving me an upset stomach for months). I didn’t have to reframe this one:)
  4. I gained a pound. I’m convinced it went to my boobs.
  5. I have $27 left in my account until payday two weeks from now. There’s always my quarter collection:)

     What can you reframe? It’s hard to think positive in a crisis, in an emergency, when we’re in pain. Opening up our side and rearview eyes, however, can really help us see the whole picture.