Saturday, August 12, 2017

Dear “Delete:”

I know you get tired of hearing from me. I feel your pain, but I want you to know that I appreciate all the work you do for me.

A simple thank you is not enough, but I am sending it to you anyway. You won’t get it for obvious reasons, but for the world to see, I’ve sent my “THANK YOU, DELETE” letter.

You have saved me from sending letters that should not be read. 

You have saved me from leaving traces of my tantrums for someone to read in case I die in the middle of my tooth dream.

You have protected me from sending hostile messages to politicians who could bomb our house or steal our identity.

You have made sure that the bitches I write about sometimes out of frustration will never read what I think of them (They are all acquaintances, not friends).

You have made sure that I don’t take my written rage out into the universe. I would hate to pollute the air with some of my expletives.

By the way, I am sure you have those documents I didn’t mean to send you hidden away in a file somewhere that only you can access. Please feel free to send them back to me any time. 

Thanks, my friend.