Wednesday, August 9, 2017

                “Too much” or “Not enough”

     Years ago, I was a needy divorcée, very naive about men. I went to a medical doctor who I knew was single. He was rather handsome and, obviously, very bright. Somehow we got into a brief conversation in which he said to me, “You would be way too much for me.” I was stunned. What did that mean? Me who always thought of myself as “not enough” could not grasp someone saying that I was “too much.” Maybe that wasn’t a compliment. I never did know. Have you ever known someone who was “too much?” 

     What does “too much” mean?  Did I smile too much, talk too much, have too much energy, accomplish too much? Who knows? I certainly have never felt in my life that I was “too much.” Quite the contrary. Ironic, huh? 

     What fascinates me after having lived so many years on this planet is how many books and articles are written about people who feel they are “not enough.” Was there one set of parents who started the trend to make their children feel inferior, and everyone else just followed? Was there an unwritten standard somewhere against which we all measured ourselves and fell short? Did a bunch of people bring up their kids to be bullies, and they just bullied the rest of us into feeling bad about ourselves? I don’t know, but I have been amazed at how many people to whom I have spoken through the years, even those in their 60s and 70s have said, “I never felt I was good enough.” Who is good enough? If you’re a devout Christian, I suppose you would answer this without a blink. Too bad He can’t show up and do a worldwide tour and explain the concept.

     For me, someone who is “too much,” would be a person who talks non-stop and tries to intimidate others. (I pray that wasn’t what the guy thought of me.) It is someone who walks into a room, and his or her aura just takes over. It’s someone who has so much energy, she makes me tired. It’s someone who brags all the time, and even though we all know that comes from serious insecurity, it also wears us down. 

     What would people say about you? Are you “too much?” Are you “not enough?” Or are you “just right” like the Goldilocks story. It’s all in the eye of the beholder, I suppose. Go eat your breakfast and don’t think about this “too much.” It’s silly.