Tuesday, September 12, 2017

     I have come to the conclusion that when we climb into our beds at night, there are tiny demons hiding underneath the bed just waiting to see when they can spring upon us. They lie in wait under there listening for that first rollover that signals your restlessness or your two-second wake-up-eye-open flutter. Once they hear that, they come flying out of the demon door right into your psyche. “Ah, here we are!” they whisper. “Let’s do our nasty” 

      They get inside and start dirty dancing. Yup. They jump around in your head trying to force your eyes open. When that doesn’t work, they start tapping on all those worry keys in your mind that you’ve shoved in a secret spot. Well, guess what? They know all your secrets. They know exactly where they are, and how to get at them. Each little secret opens up and spills its guts all over your mind. Now you scrunch up your eyes, roll over, pull up the covers and try to keep from opening your eyes. In the meantime, they are doing cartwheels and shimmying in your deepest fears, letting escape every possible horrific scenario about each subject. The dentist is going to pull out one of your front teeth by mistake. The pool is going to overflow and drown your grand piano. Your face is going to start pleating the minute you wake up, and you won’t be able to see your eyelids. Your garden is going to turn brown and never recover. Your Uncle George is going to leave all his money to your obnoxious cousin. The ten pounds you just lost are back on. Your car needs four new tires. Your kids won’t speak to you. Your bangs fell off during the night. And the list goes on.  

     I hope you are laughing, because this has to be funny, or we are all in trouble.

                                  Laughter is contagious; spread the virus.

(There is a punctuation error here somewhere, but I'm too damned tired to find it.)